Losing Control
by Assirym
Summary: Tamsin wakes from a nightmare, beginning to struggle more and more with her ability to resist her mark. Bo/Tamsin. Valkubus. One Shot.


**A/N:** _Okay so I'm not super sure how the Valkyrie stuff works besides the tid bits that I know already. Plus Lost Girl is usually mixing things up with their own twist on things so who knows how Tamsin actually ticks yet. I'm winging it for this, just go with it._

* * *

I wake up shaking, sweat beading up on my skin and soaking into my clothes, a scream only just captured in the back of my throat and I quickly move to turn the lamp on because that shit was scary.

I can think it in my own head, there's nothing wrong with that.

It's not some recurring dream from my childhood or some lame ass Under Fea chasing me that's getting to me, it's… just me.

Dragging myself out of bed I head for the bathroom, stripping my shirt away from my sticky body as I go. I'm disgusting. A shower would be nice but the landlord in this hell hole has yet to fix the hot water and there is no way I'm standing under an ice cold spray at two am. I would like to track the dude down, teach him a lesson for slacking on his business but that is apparently against the rules. That's what I get for working with the Light, heeding their rules is a pain in my ass. Whatever, I'll take my nice ice bath in the morning. At least on Dark jobs the pay was good, this is some shitty deal.

I'm trying to splash my face to clear my head, the cold water is at least good for something, but I'm avoiding my own eyes in the mirror. For a moment I consider turning the light off but that seems a bit extreme, I'm ashamed but not a coward. But now that I've thought it I have to prove that to myself.

With my shoulders squared and my lungs filled with air, I lift my chin, bringing my eyes up to meet my reflection only to exhale loudly, letting my shoulders drop in defeat. Two seconds flat and I'm done in. I look as terrible as I feel, dark circles under my eyes, visibly clammy skin, the color in my eyes are a few shades darker than they should be and to top it all off as I lift my fingers up to right my very out of place and messy hair a few strands fall into my palm. It's getting worse.

I've never had to resist like this before. I've never had to resist period.

It's not natural, not right but then again no other case has been so personal before. I've never loved a target.

I scoff at that, letting myself think those words. Foolish.

Love is for the weak and besides I'm not in it anyway, I can't be not just because Bo is marked but because I'm just not.

I'll work on a better excuse later.

There's a flicker of change in my eyes and I lean in to look closer only finding that the further I examine myself the more my stomach turns with this uneasiness, this feeling like I'm doing something wrong, that I've missed something. Doubt. Great, now I'm turning on myself.

I rip my gaze away quickly and spin around but I must be moving too fast because suddenly I'm dizzy and I'm gripping at the sink to keep myself upright. I'm blinking heavily and that's a mistake because soon my eyes drop closed tighter than I mean them to and I'm assaulted with visions of her beneath me.

It's abstract and a little off but I can practically feel her under me, her hands running seductively along my sides. I can feel her power pulsing through her palms, heating my skin like poison. It's intoxicating. I want to lean down and capture her lips, to press myself into her further and I think I'm going to but when my body shifts forward, pinning her hips down between my thighs, I'm grabbing at her wrists roughly and tugging them above her head.

Finally getting my eyes open, forcing my mind back into my bathroom instead of whatever the hell is going on in my head, I push off the sink making myself stumble into the door frame. I need to get myself together but moments later just as I'm making it back to bed, I'm falling to my knees. I have just enough time to grab the bedpost to keep myself from wiping out completely as I'm dragged back into it.

She smells so good, the colors in my vision mixing up with the scent in the air and I'm blinded. I only see one thing and that is my purpose, my reason for being and every inch of my body aches with resistance. Bo looks absolutely terrified, an expression I'm not sure the famed unaligned succubus knows how to make but it's not an expression that is not unfamiliar to me. That's the face they all make. When my mark realizes they are trapped, when I can feel my own face shifting into something dark and unnatural.

She's fighting against me, pushing at my unmoving body but I'm stronger, I can see the surprise of that fact etched into her features along with her terror and even as I'm speaking the words "I'm sorry." There is an animalistic growl rolling up my throat because as much as I want to I can't stop this.

Somehow pulling my consciousness back enough, I reach frantically into my already messed hair and rip a few strands from their roots, releasing me from the over powering dream, or vision, or whatever it is. The point is I can breathe now and yes I still need a God damn shower because I'm practically dripping.

At this rate I'm going to go bald within the month, if I last that long but I stop that thought right in its tracks, finding my strength to pull myself to my feet. Giving in is not an option, I'm not doing that.

I'm only up long enough to drop myself back into bed, reaching for my phone on the side table. I need to take a few breaths first and calm down because that was intense, for multiple reasons.

I won't admit to her being on speed dial but it doesn't take me long to get the call connected, though it takes what feels like a dozen rings before she answers.

"Hello?" Bo's voice is raspy and heavy with sleep. I'm such a pushover because I actually let myself smile like this is a normal thing. It isn't.

"Are you home?" Back to business, short and direct. That's how I have to be.

"Tamsin?" Her confusion rings clearly in my name but that doesn't stop the stirring it creates in me.

"Are you home?" I say it slower this time, accenting each word in a way that feigns annoyance. Maybe I am annoyed; I'm the one that's got to deal with these Valkyrie sized hot flashes to keep from jumping her bones. Well not 'jumping her bones', okay maybe a little of that but fuck, she is a Succubus.

"I…yes. No, no… I'm at Lauren's. Why?"

Lauren, of course. I will never understand how any Fae could see something in a human, they are fragile and week and they _expire_. What is the point?

"Tamsin, it is after two in the morning why are you calling me in the middle of the night?"

I must have been taking too long to respond because its sounds like Bo is waking up more and she starting to sound pissed.

I called to check on her but I probably shouldn't say that. I need an excuse. "What about your gothy human thing?" It's just easier to be a bitch.

"_Kenzi_ is out of town, she's spending time with her cousin or something. Things have been hard on her since, you know…"

"Okay good, so no one is at your fancy club house then?" I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this but I'm sure it'll come to me soon.

"Yeah… but that doesn't explain why you are calling."

"Can't you just trust a good cop?" Now I'm getting annoyed.

"Sure, I can. So when Dyson calls I'll be sure to trust him. You are Dark Fae"

Ouch. I'm quiet for a minute, staring up at my disgustingly stained ceiling. Like seriously, who did the piping in this place, that is horrendous.

"Wait, Tams… I'm sorry." Bo starts, the shift in her tone very clear. I hate how much I like it and 'Tams' really? Bitch. "You've proven yourself, that was uncalled for."

"Yeah, you're kind of a bitch at two am."

"Okay well you are a bitch all the time, so sue me."

I have to fight the way that makes me want to laugh but I can't keep from smiling and I grip the sheets tightly with my free hand trying to ignore that feeling settling somewhere beneath my lungs. This is so fucked up.

"Hey…" Her voice comes softer on the other end and it sounds like she's moving, maybe shifting from the bed she is in. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I spit too quickly and too full of venom that is not meant for her. Sighing, I collect myself before speaking again. "There are some rouge Under Fae on the loose of the ratty stupid variety and your poor excuse for a shack wouldn't hold up a second if they sniffed you out." The lie comes easier than I could have planned but I'm grateful.

"So you were worried about me?" It sounds like she is teasing me, is she teasing me?

"No… I'm doing my job. Dim witted Fae on the prowl and the first stop is the unaligned, unprotected, always on the menu Succubi." That sounded convincing, patting myself on the back for that one.

"It sounds a lot like I'm protected to me." She's definitely teasing me.

"Okay whatever, I was just checking. Have a good night with your inedible snack."

I tap the screen to end the call before either of us can say anything else, wondering why I even called in the first place. I know why but I'm not about to let myself admit it, I can't. Things are complicated enough I really do not need this stress.

But my mind is reeling and before I know it I'm picking my phone back up, dialing out again.

There is a shorter amount of rings this time but when he answers I don't give him a chance to speak.

"Trick…" I say quickly, surprised with how tight my throat feels and how thickly the word fell. I take a moment to draw in a breath, I'm being ridiculous. "Trick, you've got to keep me away from Bo." Swallowing hard against a rising lump I pause again, cursing myself for sounding so vulnerable. I hate myself for this, I hate what I am, and I hate my purpose. I'm disgusted with it but mostly I'm just disgusted with myself because I hate that I fell for her. I hate that I love her but not as much as I hate that all of this is tainting that, because loving Bo could have been the best thing I'd ever done. "I'm losing control."


End file.
